Brother, I feel a lot of what you wrote. You’re not alone, ok? It’s hard to claw your way out of these deep holes you did. Yourself in; but not impossible. It’s not a matter of desire or effort either. No one wants to live this way.

Now, I challenge you to do three things (assuming you do t already; I don’t know because you didn’t mention it):

First

Instead of listing the things you fuck up, or suck at, or hate yourself over, I want you to instead list five things you like about yourself.

It’s going to be hard. You’re going to draw blanks. You’re also going to want to add this to your ever-growing of things you hate about yourself (don’t).

But give it time and practice. If you can’t think of five, think of one and then move on with your day. Keep trying each day until you can reach five things, and then increase it to ten.

If you miss a day here or there, that’s okay. This is for you and you only. I’ll get you started though:

1. You have the desire to be better
2. You are intelligent enough to write cohesively
3. You were attractive, funny, and, smart enough to convince your wife to marry you and love you (doesn’t matter anything else)
4. You are obviously evolved enough to know dogs are the superior species, because you own more than one
5. You have the courage to get out there every day, despite everything, and try again at life

I don’t know you from Adam and I was able to come up with five positive things about you. So I know you’ll do just fine with finding more affirmations.

Second

Seek medical help (no, really, hear me out). Find a Doctor to discuss your adhd/add. Also look into a therapist to talk to about this. It’s amazing how much it can help. And even if you feel like you can’t afford, then look for low-cost solutions.

I’ll keep this advice to the minimum because I’m not a doctor and you should never get medical advice from the internet.

Third

Talk to your wife about all of this. Yes, it’s a lot to put in someone, but she loves you and doesn’t want you to through this alone. Let her help you.

Fourth

I lied. I thought of a fourth thing. Take a nap. When you get so worked up like you described, it may just be a sign that you’re physically and mentally tired. A nap can help you feel better. If you can’t take a nap, maybe take a hot shower. Stand under the water and let it cover you.

Look, take everything I said above with a grain of salt. Like I mentioned, I don’t know you, so my advice may be way off base. But, some things are harmless to try (like affirmations or napping/showering).

Anyway, from one lost soul to another, I hope you find your way through. I know I’ll be rooting for you.