Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
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I have this problem. You are being a perfectionist. Some advice I have gotten that helps is trying to make something intentionally bad. It think it was from Simone Giertz’s TED talk. She said that trying to make Shitty Robots was easier because she couldn’t mess up, they were already bad.
https://youtu.be/GEIvFfeSjuE behind the scenes, idk where the full vid is.
Another thing to remember with programming is that bad, but working code will always be better than no code.