I just realized that I’ve made a horrible and irreversible mistake. I’ve booked my entire family to drive a full day (with a toddler) to stay in an Airbnb for a full week, centered around an event that is actually happening the week before we arrive.
I realize that my ADHD probably played some role in this, but having an explanation doesn’t really stop me from calling myself every hurtful and inappropriate synonym of the word “stupid”. It’s only full blast inside of my head and it’s inescapable.
I can feel the absolute, white-hot, nuclear rage boiling up inside of me. I am seething with self-hatred right now…this realization has just ruined my entire summer, and rendered months of difficult preparations and thousands of dollars of travel plans completely pointless.
If anyone has some kind words, I could really use them right now as I’m definitely supplying myself with a fair amount of hateful, abusive, and violent self-talk.
I literally cannot believe how stupid I feel and how broken my brain is. I am drowning in shame and embarrassment right now.
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I’m currently sitting with 11 other people (6 of that kids) in a holiday apartment duplex that is one block away from the one I thought I was booking. That one has a grill for two dozen people, a massive playground with several slides, a rope castle, and a pool. The one I actually booked has two small swings and a slide, ten small wasp nests (which we were able to destroy, thankfully) and a leaky dishwasher. I called myself every expletive known to me when I found out like you have (and I am very knowledgeable about those), but everybody is fine and the kids are having the time of their life.
It’ll work out somehow.