I was all about Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, a collection of facts a lot of which probably aren’t true but it was entertaining.

But this was absolutely the backup option.

“Oh, sulfates huh? Tell me more. Rinse and REPEAT?? The fuck outta here.”

I’ll forever be grateful to those thronal thespians of the page, who told me exactly whence the phrase, “Close, but no cigar,” came from.

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