Ever since I connected my executive functioning issues to my ADHD, I've realized yet another hurdle has been added to my efforts to do shit: the idea that I am helplessly useless at doing things and that's how things are. I literally end up paralyzed with fear at the idea I've internalized that I am simply bad at doing life, which makes me do bad at life. I recently tried psyching myself up instead of out, and it's been really effective. Focusing on things I'm good and skilled at *WHILE ALSO focusing on the task at hand*, not comparing myself to other people, and asking for help when I need it has improved my ability to get things done significantly. By significantly I mean I have gone from doing 2 things a day to 5 things a day, BUT THAT IS SOMETHING. An upward curve. I love and want the best for myself. I will continue to improve with every drop of effort I can muster. And I'm good at this shit. I'm determined. I am literally wrenching my brain back from the depths of the void. I'm going to sleep in the next 30 minutes (NOT the next 3 hours) and the moment I wake up I'm going to get up and I'm going to do my fucking best and anyone who takes issue with that (the evil brain gremlins and imaginary people i make up to call myself stupid) can have a boot up their ass To you who reads this, I wish you the most fortune I possibly can. I love myself and I love you all, even though I have no idea who you are. You deserve happiness and mercy and rest. Goodnight.