I’m 36, and while my love life has been varied and interesting, over the last few years I’ve started to want to settle down. I know it doesn’t happen overnight. But recently it’s been weighing on me more and more. I reminisce about past relationships. I feel hopeless about meeting someone in the future who shares my values.
On the one hand you hear things like “happiness comes from within”, but on the other we are social animals and 99% of us want to feel loved and to love.
Happiness does come from within. You can be content with most aspects of your life and still want to find a life partner or other have other goals. Part of managing things is just having reasonable expectations. If you can identify something else that bothers you it’ll still bother you when you’re with someone else. A relationship won’t fix that other thing and how much you want a relationship can be magnified with fomo.
I think it starts hitting harder after 30 or other milestone ages because it’s just a notable mark. Thoughts like, “well, I’m X and still single again.” just pops-up. Also around 30 most people are settling down or already have. Either because they’re wanting to have kids before their 40s or because they’re tired of casual dating. Probably also spent enough time dating to figure out what they want and locked that shit down when they found it.
Personally I’ve always disliked the process of casual dating. Going out as a couple is good but throwing money and time at trying to get to know someone only for it to not work out gets old. I don’t like getting to know someone for however many days or months then never hearing from them again. I want stability not just a distraction. And after 30 dating can have additional challenges to wade through. Modern dating in general can be a mess for everyone involved regardless of age.
Protip, don’t read into any kind of pill nonsense or pick-up-artist crap. Also take breaks from dating when morale is low. Do date with intention and state yours if you have actual goals for a relationship. Like don’t bother pursuing anything with people who aren’t looking for something serious or you aren’t compatible with. It’s not a waste of time to figure out compatibility but it is a waste of time if you know there isn’t long-term potential.
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Happiness does come from within. You can be content with most aspects of your life and still want to find a life partner or other have other goals. Part of managing things is just having reasonable expectations. If you can identify something else that bothers you it’ll still bother you when you’re with someone else. A relationship won’t fix that other thing and how much you want a relationship can be magnified with fomo.
I think it starts hitting harder after 30 or other milestone ages because it’s just a notable mark. Thoughts like, “well, I’m X and still single again.” just pops-up. Also around 30 most people are settling down or already have. Either because they’re wanting to have kids before their 40s or because they’re tired of casual dating. Probably also spent enough time dating to figure out what they want and locked that shit down when they found it.
Personally I’ve always disliked the process of casual dating. Going out as a couple is good but throwing money and time at trying to get to know someone only for it to not work out gets old. I don’t like getting to know someone for however many days or months then never hearing from them again. I want stability not just a distraction. And after 30 dating can have additional challenges to wade through. Modern dating in general can be a mess for everyone involved regardless of age.
Protip, don’t read into any kind of pill nonsense or pick-up-artist crap. Also take breaks from dating when morale is low. Do date with intention and state yours if you have actual goals for a relationship. Like don’t bother pursuing anything with people who aren’t looking for something serious or you aren’t compatible with. It’s not a waste of time to figure out compatibility but it is a waste of time if you know there isn’t long-term potential.