I dont mean depression or anxiety (this feels different), I mean feeling like you never really recharge, like youve never gotten time off ever. Which I think is partly due to a tendency to put literally 100% into something until you feel fried, move on to the next thing rinse repeat. Even “down time” doesnt really feel like down time because I am stuck between either boredom, working on yet another thing or thinking about things in general.
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I did for many years. I don’t have that as much now and the big change was ditching abusive family. I had a strong drive to solve problems and please people which was absolutely great for my parents and siblings. They used me a lot and got a lot of free labor out of me. Now that I don’t see any of them any more I have a much tighter relationship between trying to do something and seeing a result. If it goes poorly it is probably because of something I did or an identifiable factor and I can own it. If it goes well I can recognise the role of luck and own my effort. Everything was so confusing and empty with those people creating drama and now I feel free.
Also, making sure I didn’t have to abandon things because of other people’s demands has been helpful. I have completed my first significant electronics project recently and it is very addictive. I would never have managed that before because someone would have been asking for progress updates and going on about how it wouldn’t be a skill that made any money etc.