Hey everyone, I’m hoping to get some advice for my partner.
She and I both have ADHD. She consistently has great difficulty communicating clearly and neither of us is sure what to do about it. Where an ideal narrative could be mapped in a straight line, hers would look like a series of loops, whorls, and jagged deviations as she frequently repeats herself, relays events out of order, changes topics inappropriately and without warning, omits entire parts of sentences, etc.
I love her so much so it pains me to say that it’s bad. It’s really, really bad, and I see how it frustrates her. It’s interfering with our relationship as it makes even low stakes conversations agonizing and higher stakes topics often impossible. It holds her back in her personal and professional life. I used to have the same issue, but what helped me isn’t really applicable for her.
Does anyone have any resources, ADHD specific or not, that might help her get started in basic, effective communication? She’s such a wonderful, intelligent person, and I just want to help her succeed in being able to share that with others.
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AuDHD here.
One thing that helps me a little bit is I learned that when I switch topics, I always try to switch them back at the end of the conversation, so that my brain goes through all the other associations again and when I missed something that’s when I remember at least parts of it.
This is a me thing so take it with a grain of salt.
Btw it sounds like your partner’s ADHD is quite strong and I’ve heard in extreme cases you kinda have to look into medication. I know it’s not always the end all be all but maybe that’s something to look into.
Otherwise I wish both of you good luck with your search for answers :)
I like the strategy, it seems like you’re tying everything up at the end instead of ping ponging back and forth, which I’ve been guilty of. Thank you!
That reminds me of the kind of thing I do when I get off topic and forget what I was saying. I’ll say “what were we talking about before this?”, and given that my conversation partner has a decent chance of also being ADHD, we often end up remembering the thing that was a few topics back, and then tracing forward from there.
It helps to retrace your steps in the conversation, I’ve found. It can also be helpful for helping me to remember the broader shape of my argument, if these topics being strung together is actually getting at a larger point