Hi all.
I’ll try and be succinct but as I’m sure you all realize that’s often easier said than done.
I don’t feel like I ever hear my fellow ADHDers discuss how negative an experience hyperfocusing can be.
First off, I never feel like I’m ‘enjoying’ myself when I hyperfocus. It feels a lot like I’m dreaming. Time moves weirdly, all my senses go askew, and it never feels like I’m in-control.
Then when the focus fades for whatever reason, I feel exhausted. I usually have a headache from the hours of intent concentration. Oftentimes I haven’t eaten, had a drink or used the toilet. As I start to come out of it I often feel quite confused and borderline hungover.
It gives me such an existential crisis. An activity is either so boring I can’t summon myself to engage with it or it’s so absolutely engrossing that it feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse.
And when I come out of it, to an extent I do feel as if I’ve been consumed. I don’t feel happy or satisfied or fulfilled. I feel tired, confused and uncomfortable.
Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?
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Thanks for giving me these words to describe the feeling so well. I don’t feel interested and passionate… I feel consumed and dominated.
Now that I think about it, lots of words that describe focus have etymologies that feel appropriately sinister. Captivated, enthralled, enraptured, fascinated, bewitched, mesmerized, hooked - all related to being controlled against your will.
I hadn’t thought of the etymologies that way. That’s pretty interesting.