Sorry for my late reply. Yes we’ve talked about that but the result is essentially that I either have to get it together and deal with having kids in the future, or she’ll leave. From her side it’s not an option to not have kids—currently at least.

I also have ADHD and am in a similar struggle. I’m male and my wife really wants to have kids. I wanted that too in the past, but I’m very afraid of not being able to handle the constant stress. Eventhough I’m medicated, I still have days frequently, where everything’s just too much. Throwing a child into the mix and I feel like I would probably have to put myself into a closed psychiatric.

So I can not help you there I’m afraid. But what caught my eye is, that you say your relationship is / was hanging by a thread. That’s absolutely not a good base for getting children. Broken or weak relationships won’t get stronger with a child. They’ll break sooner or later and then the kid has to cope with divorced parents. I know you said that you both feel better now, but please keep that in mind and be sure, that you are strong together before getting a child, because it will get stressful and will test you and your relationship.

I wish you all the best though and what ever your final decision will be, it will be the correct one.

The magic key for me is to tell no one about my project, until it’s in a workable state. Just telling someone what I want to do, including the details of my plans, is sometimes enough for me to never actually start with it. But keeping it quiet—which is very hard mind you—leads to me actually acting on my plans.