the cheese is under the sauce

hell yeah am i ready for lemmy beans 2 the beanening

but you can fend them off with this cast iron pan, good combo!

reese’s puffs cereal shreds the roof of your mouth and makes you taste like you’re bleeding (because you are) i don’t exactly dislike it but it can’t be good for the children. the little demons get a taste for blood and suddenly you’re next

you can imagine an apple in your head and rotate it for free no one can stop you

be the change you want to see in the world. queer up!

yeah don’t threaten me with a good time

percussive maintenance

the wizards should stay in their ivory towers and out of our bedrooms. it is my human right to pay someone to come twist whatever part of my body i or they damn well please

why "scientists "have classified ratatouille a horror film. telling

when you do not sit with your butt exactly on the chair and at least two feet firmly planted on the floor you will get accused of bisexuality

weezo

(bound?😳😳😳)

please respect my privacy

where’s the beef

i just ate one normally actually i promise. i don’t want people to think i’m a freak or something (about fruit)

alternating

happy birthday whitey ford

thank you for your service filling in the blanks excellent work. my neighbor handed me figs from over the fence today and it’s just as you say. times are rough and i have physical needs

howdy

i can’t wear socks to bed because they feel so constraining i also can’t have covers over my feet for the same reason i never realized my toes are also rubbing up against each other all night and i am really grateful to this internet person for giving me the natural next step in having the ultimate stimulus-free sleep

i use a sippy cup now to avoid this problem altogether even though i’m still horny for hydration

my favorite is those cups with the glitter in them when you’re taking a particularly aggressive sip from one and it cracks and spills into you and you now have sparkly lips and a few days later a rare poop