Just if it starts to feel weird because you feel like you are trying to exaggerate a story that may or may not be there in the data, trust yourself :) you aren’t!

Hey, that is a good vent, when you do a good vent people see it and say “damn I have been through/am going through/will go through that” and there is an inherent kindness to making that not a solitary feeling experience for everyone else so thank you!

If you are worried about your ADHD evaluation I get it, people around me all the time try to get me to really trust the healthcare system around me and I just can’t, at every point of contact with the US healthcare system it is demonstrated that not only does the US healthcare system not understand WHY ADHD destroys my quality of life, it is actually quite violently uninterested in it to the point that the only people I am ever allowed to talk to are people without any power (on purpose) to change the things that are hurting me about the healthcare they are offering.

I would recommend focusing on how hard ADHD has made your life, but not in terms of where you have gotten. Every time you notice the doctor start to look at your credentials and go in their head “well they seem really distraught but that is a good college and not an easy job so they must be exaggerating to me” smack them back to reality with a description of how much brutal stress and anxiety ADHD brings to your daily life that you can’t just sweep under the rug or meditate out of because it has to do with necessary basic life tasks.

I have to tell you as I have to tell myself every day people really DO NOT FUCKING GET how unbelievably hard you have to try to do things you can’t get yourself to do. People will not only NEVER understand you for that, they may become so intimidated by your strength and power from realizing you are constantly doing that in the background seemingly “effortlessly” that they will want to destroy and crush you out of pure fear instinct. An equally large group of healthcare providers will simply never be able to grapple with how much their ignorance has hurt ADHD people they have spent far too much time extracting pride out of believing they were helping and it is easier now for their story to destroy you than start a new chapter that grapples with all of the already written chapters.

The stupidness and inanity of being invisible with ADHD because healthcare providers listen to the words you say and then look back down at their instructions after nodding and letting the words pass through their mind like wrapped gift presents not to be overly examined or memorized… will drive you up a wall and also it may eventually kill you when healthcare providers begin to identify a more simple narrative that fits their worldview about why you won’t do the thing you are supposed to.

Yeah, this is war, act accordingly…

org mode