This might sound pretentious or trippy. But it’s just a thing I haven’t found a proper answer for.
My paternal parts of the family are all dead, no aunts, uncles or cousins alive any longer. My maternal parts of the family suck, they seriously suck, no joke. I decided not to procreate (and had a “few discretions” regarding this) because I didn’t want to pass the shitty genes, behaviour or guilt onto another generation.
I have an ex, some relations ago. And I really loved his mother, as a mother. I was a train wreck at one time, and she saved me and took care of me. I don’t care that she isn’t my real mother. But this was several years ago.
What really hurts is that my siblings and cousins tell me that what I felt for her was fake, as she is not a blood relative. As I have helped her more than I would ever have helped anyone else. I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?
Your siblings and cousins suck. Don’t listen to them.
I’ve been in your position, and had people, at certain points in my life, who changed my life without really doing anything, or realizing it.
We all take bits and pieces of who, and what we interact with in the world. Those bits may be amazingly beautiful, or they may be world shattering. Your bio parents probably were more of the latter, but your ex’s mom might have been someone that set your life in a completely different, and better path, with a word, or a hug, or a shoulder.
I can only speak for myself, but having someone show an ounce of compassion, or empathy can be everything to someone who grew up with a shitty family (whatever that looks like).
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Your siblings and cousins suck. Don’t listen to them.
I’ve been in your position, and had people, at certain points in my life, who changed my life without really doing anything, or realizing it.
We all take bits and pieces of who, and what we interact with in the world. Those bits may be amazingly beautiful, or they may be world shattering. Your bio parents probably were more of the latter, but your ex’s mom might have been someone that set your life in a completely different, and better path, with a word, or a hug, or a shoulder.
I can only speak for myself, but having someone show an ounce of compassion, or empathy can be everything to someone who grew up with a shitty family (whatever that looks like).
That’s where the term “chosen family” comes from.