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You’re not an ally. If you have to start of a sentence by saying you’re an ally and have friends in a marginalized group, you’re already starting off wrong. You’re talking down to a trans person for stating what they don’t like about something. Maybe if you wanted to explain how it is actually just preference, but your comment is entirely about “trans people having victim complexes”.
Not dating the guy is fine. But being okay with dating someone pre-transition specifically for the things they do not like is gross. Trans men are not women. Do you have any idea how many of us enter relationships with people who say they support us, then do anything they can to prevent us from being who we want to be? Specifically common with trans men. If he said, “no I’m straight I don’t date men” that’d just be preference. But he’s saying “yeah I’d date a trans dude if they essentially weren’t trans”. That’s shitty.
if i say “look i’d date my buddy steve but he doesn’t have tits and he does have a dick, and it just so happens that i like tits and i don’t like dick.”
that’s me saying “yes steve’s a standup guy and sure i could theoretically date him but there are glaring differences in my preferences and his equipment.”
that’s not homophobic. that’s not transphobic. it’s a manner of speaking in a comedic tone in a community that is based in comedy.
and my guy/gal, you don’t know me or what i’ve done throughout my life, so starting in with a declarative “you’re not an ally!” really? jump to conclusions much? i can still be a staunch ally for someone’s rights and equal treatment and still say “preferences are preferences”. it may not be an ally on your perfect terms, and i’m okay with that.
i’m going to state anything to anyone the way i would another person, regardless of sexual preference, gender, race, religion, whatever. and if that person doesn’t like something, that’s their prerogative.
I’m saying actual allies don’t have to remind people that they’re allies.