When the amount of time management, task tracking, studying guide I found helpful have ADHD labeled on them… I started to connect past experiences together.

It got to the point where I just need an answer and get this question out of my system.

Got myself evaluated, and the rest is history.

My boyfriend of a decade and a half told me he had been suspecting I had it for awhile. He had been suspecting it for years. Just never said anything because we were managing pretty well and he didn’t want to throw a bomb into my life unless it was necessary.

When he told me, I was in the middle of having a mental breakdown over my inability to focus at work. He told me he felt I deserved to know because he hated how hard I was on myself and he wanted me to understand that I couldn’t help it.

It changed a lot for me when he said it. In a way it felt like something clicked into place, sort of. I have since spent a little over a year learning about ADHD and understanding what my symptoms are and where I am similar or different to the listed symptoms.

I have tried to get a referral twice. First time the doctor I saw refused to give me one and instead acted very inappropriately with me. The other time I got my referral from another doctor, who was more professional and then I just kinda stopped the process from there. I tried to find a psychiatrist, but it was very overwhelming and the system was very disorganized and confusing to use so I couldn’t. I also found out that apparently this whe thing is extremely sensitive to me and the few times I managed to find phone numbers to call, I would start crying uncontrollably and being unable to call anyone because I was so embarrassed about my emotional outbursts.

I decided I would look into it later when I was in a better place mentally, but everytime I have even tried to take a step into getting diagnosed since then, I become very emotional. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s very embarrassing. I am also extremely terrified of being humiliated. I dont have the best experiences seeking help for mental health stuff so I’m very scared of going through something like that again. And to put myself in a situation where someone is literally there to question my life experiences and determine if they are valid or not. That just fucks with me in ways I can’t describe, so while I would really love to be officially diagnosed, I am just too scared of the emotional toll the process would take on me. My boyfriend feels the same way. It was one of the reasons he didn’t tell me about his suspicions at first.

So for now I’m living my life with the knowledge that I probably have some form of ADHD and I try to be a bit more forgiving of myself when I mess up and I try to embrace the parts pf me I tried to erase my whole life. In that sense, it has helped me a lot. Even if it isn’t ADHD, it does help to keep in mind that I have always done my best and that my best just isn’t as good as most people’s average.

Two children diagnosed using my school reports as background. All the signs.

While getting an adult diagnosis here is expensive and difficult, it’s probably inevitable.

I’ll get 'round to it soon…

I knew it since 30 years ago, but got officially diagnosed at 52 or so.

I’ve not yet been able to get a diagnosis, but it’s mainly seeing myself in those memes, reading into it and realising this might be what I’ve struggled my whole life with.

Reading adhd memes and realizing it was just me

I… can’t remember…?

…

DAMMIT

My kid got diagnosed, and then it became impossible to deny that I had it too

I didn’t really, I had a poor understanding of it before, and was diagnosed when I was seeking help for depression

I was in therapy already for other reasons, and they suggested ADD. Only acted upon- and medicated after I fully crashed though.

My primary care doctor picked up on it in my late 20’s. It was impressive - I think he suspected, so asked 3 questions/statements about my behaviour as a kid and teenager, things that nobody, not my parents, siblings or friends knew. They were formed as “you did X, Y, Z, as a teen, didn’t you?”.

They were questions regarding self control and specific drug use. In particular, he said “you did come coke as a teen, and you felt it calmed you down”. Mind. Blown.

When you’re young masking is a lot easier. Pair that with the ability to drink pots of coffee nonstop throughout the day to self medicate and the time to exercise for at least an hour every day and you can get by pretty effectively. At some point though you get old and busy enough that A: it’s not possible to physically drink enough coffee to self medicate anymore and B: you don’t always have 1-2h a day to devote to exercise. At that point it becomes apparent that you should probably be on medication if you want to remain high functioning.

From YouTube and friends that have it I definitely suspected I did in my 20s. It wasn’t until my early/mid 30s though I got evaluated for it due to issues I was starting to have getting things done at work (forgetting things that needed completed, missing details, zoning out on calls more often). I think I masked it well previously because my work was varied and challenging but a new role had me doing more mundane things that required experience and attention to details but weren’t difficult for me or overly stimulating.

Attention, memory, constantly walk away and forget everything that was said, I can watch the same movie a few times before I remember it. I’m overall a space cadet in the brain. Did it happen yesterday? A few days ago? Two weeks ago? Who knows?

Why I don’t go get tested? I like flying planes and the FAA doesn’t believe ADHD is safe. Well, it’s fine if you can properly manage it. It’s pretty easy to take notes and follow the checklists.

I was in the denialist camp. Not understanding what it was, I thought it was “a social media epidemic” and not a real thing.

My nephew (roughly my age, for context) told me he thought he had it, which I dismissed, also that it’s genetic (knowing my mom and sister it did make a bit more sense…) then almost immediately came across a comment in Reddit of someone who had ADHD and wrote an experience that resonated SO MUCH with me. At that point I was mega suspicious.

I met my partner a couple of months after that, and another couple of months later, he moved into a house with a landlady… with ADHD. She’s actually an ADHD coach now. Whenever her and I got together we essentially were mirrors of each other, forgetting things, misplacing things, dissociating, hyperfocusing, fidgeting…

I got diagnosed a year after that.