Someone needs to be the advocate for clean code and how it will reduce incidents and errors - it’s not easy but you can make progress. If you’re that deep in the whole automated tests might be a good focus?

Hello there, I’m a senior level dev former manager specialized in database shit.

It can absolutely be difficult to trace complex misleading function calls but part of the emphasis in coding should be readability and expressiveness (personally my opinion is that the highest cost in software development is maintenance and difficult to comprehend code multiplies this cost). If something is so complicated that, while it’s being written, it can’t be comprehended then that’d be a huge red flag for me and I’d likely leave comments on the review asking for the code to be better labeled (either better variable/function names, comments, clearer division of class/module responsibility) and refactored. This may not be possible pushback to give in your organization (which would be a big company red flag) but if you have difficulty comprehending it now you’ll have a lot of difficulty in the middle of an incident.

For me personally, I “trust” code labeling to help minimize the scope I need to keep in my head at any given time. If there’s a call out to saveFileToS3() I won’t inspect it now, I’ll just trust it does what it says on the tin and keep my scope limited to the current change set to comprehend that. Later on in the review when I reach the definition of saveFileToS3() if it does anything sneaky, doesn’t do anything necessary to that logical operation (like maybe the file is initially marked private and a second call is needed to mark the file as accessible) then I’ll flag that. Code factorization is a tool for clarity and you should rely on and reinforce it - and if you are trusting ot you should verify that.

It sorta sounds like your company may be drastically underinvesting in code maintenance (everyone under invests but there is a reasonable amount of investment to demand) though, that’s a red flag for me and may mean it’ll be difficult for you to function in that environment.

This is why I use a list and I judiciously refuse to let people force things onto the list. It’s my list and if it becomes cluttered with crap I will not look at it and just make a new one (i.e. your boss telling you “X is your top priority but you’re going to need to do Y first because of a client deadline but the X ticket should be at the top of the column” fucking end me - I’ve had conversations like this and it makes me want to check my wall for studs so I can safely drive my head through the drywall).

My memory is absolutely rubbish, I have good friends I never think about until I’m with them and then I love every moment. When I’m with my family I have to deal with constant guilt over someone says “Do you remember Sandra who played flute in the band with you?” … and I smile and nod with no clue who Sandra is. I assume these are pretty common experiences since it seems to be quite a frequent expression of ADHD.

Well fuck, my apologies then.

My biggest fear living in the US was falling off meds and being unable to get back on them. If your life situation allows you should absolutely rely on friends or family for help. You don’t need to do this alone, ADHD is a disability and you’re allowed to need assistance.

Ivanka Trump nervously raises her hand.

You should never confide in your employer. Employment is an adversarial relationship and people have gotten fucked over by bad bosses for disclosing things they really shouldn’t’ve. Only disclose information if it’s advantageous to you.

Even after being hired I’d discourage revealing disabilities unless you’re specifically using the disclosure to request accommodations.

No and you shouldn’t. You should not disclose any information to a potential employer before a contract is signed and even afterwards you may want to withhold disclosing until after your probationary period or ever at all.

Employers don’t need to know personal health information unless you’re using it to request accommodations and the more information you give an employer the more likely they’ll somehow use it to fuck you over.

Modern employment is an adversarial relationship and if you think it isn’t you’re getting fucked.

Yup, I definitely benefit a lot from concerted body doubling and, with my partner’s frequent migraines, I often have a lot of days I just lose because they’ll need help eating, changing ice/heating elements and just be mellow all day. I find it extremely hard to focus on those days so their sick days are essentially sick days for me too.

Welcome to the club, read and watch folks’ experiences and you’ll probably see a lot of parallels with how you’ve acted in the past and learn from the lessons of how to cope with it… there’s no single thing that helps everyone (I remain of the opinion that ADHD is an over broad grouping that’s actually a few similar specific neurodivergences stuck together because we still understand it really poorly).

Out of curiosity before you stopped shampooing what shampoo and conditioner did you use and how often did you wash your hair?

I do a quick toweling to get off most of the loose water and then I usually just wrap my head in a different towel to soak out the remaining stuff. If you do it right you get to spend a few minutes cosplaying Marge Simpson every day.

That’s okay, I’m a special subspecies known as a Mind Goblin.

Oh, sure… but my brain instantly went to Darmok.

Darmok and Jalad… at Tanagra.

My memory!

Hey brother, it fucking sucks and I can only imagine how teachers and folks around you responded to you out of ignorance when, with understanding, there are excellent ways to mitigate and control your expression and thought process in a healthy manner.

I’m glad you figured yourself out and I hope things get smoother from here on out. Much love from a fellow neurodivergent - if you need to vent or talk things through we’re always here and listening.

I don’t really like phone based systems but I use voice assistant reminders (like Google Home/Alexa) constantly to prewarn when meetings are and the like.

Maybe it’s time to put on some tunes and take a brain break.

I’ve made it work surprisingly well in software development - I work in the architecture field and as long as I’m truly diligent about note taking (or am lucky enough to have a trusted coworker to lean on) I’m able to make it work.

Also, micromanagers are your fucking bane if you have ADHD - sometimes I’m not working, I accept that and do house shit when I can’t focus… I still produce more output than most of my coworkers but I absolutely do need full brain breaks.

I absolutely adored seablock… and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who has any social obligations in the next half a year.

Dwarf Fortress is, imo, much less crack-y than something like Factorio. It takes much less constant attention by how slow the game moves and how long your plans take to work out. I find my time in DF to be meditative and relaxing because I’m working towards a clear goal but can relax a lot of my reactions… Factorio is a game where you can do as fast as you can think (outside the early game) - even if you’re waiting on something there is always something else to obsess over.

I am honestly so fucking glad my parents did the work to set up an evaluation when i was a teen… I’ve seen friends go through diagnoses and it’s so difficult to manage.

The grandmother memory loss absolutely hits with me. I don’t want to psychobabble and misattribute things but relationships with me tend to suffer that short object permanence effect - if I don’t see a friend for a few months they’ll often just fall off my radar entirely… until I see them again and the memories will rush back. I have a good friend with ADHD and we meet up maybe once a year - they are an extremely close friend even if that doesn’t seem to make sense… but when I walk into a coffee shop and sit down with them we’ll talk for hours and usually end up getting kicked out when they close.

This hurts (kind of, it’s guilt driven hurt) when it comes to grandparents or other people who have passed away… if they come up in conversation or because of some related strong association I’ll think of them and have a little bundle of memories that have weathered the years. But, like, my father passed away only two years ago or so and I rarely think of him - so then I feel guilty for not thinking about him more often and cry (as I am now) but give me an hour or two and he’ll completely fly from active memory again.

I have no idea if neurotypical people are being genuine or performative when they say “Not a day goes by when I don’t think about them” but that’s absolutely not my experience.

Memory loss is something I deal with as well. It fucking sucks to have the emotional echoes but very few distinct memories from more than a few years back and conversations with my mother often go “Do you remember that time you asked Suzie Q to the dance and then wore that vest we’d gotten for you?” And I’ll smile and nod as I just try and ignore how much of my memories are just lost to that fog… for me, at least, I still have a lot of the emotional resonance so even if my first kiss is no longer a firm memory I can still get some feelies out of knowing it happened and the person it happened with.

It’s correct that mood swings and depression aren’t considered a part of ADHD but both are common comorbidities (along with ASD which can be misdiagnosed as either of them) - so yeah, a lot of us deal with a whole gift basket worth of different issues. Personally, I’ve struggled with depression and am trying to get a formal evaluation for ASD and I suspect you’ll find depression is pretty common in this community as it’s a comorbidity I’ve seen extremely often in ADHD folks I know IRL.

It’s important to make sure your doctor is aware of the different things you’re experiencing and dealing with them separately - stimulant medications can mask depression symptoms until you fall off a cliff.

In terms of plans going awry, if you can, make sure your friends and acquaintances are aware of your ADHD and, especially, that sometimes you’ll be flakey. If your network accepts that it’ll be easier for you to flake and easier for you to recover. In my youth I was aware of how flakey I could be but flaking out on something would fill me with so much guilt that I’d end up taking much longer to recover.

Being honest with yourself and accepting the time lost to strong emotions is always going to be more healthy than struggling to try and stay “normal”.

I read a Simon Sinek book as part of a management book club and even hit bullshit misinformation on ADHD in there. It’s fucking pervasive and, as a millennial, I am now primarily just fighting against my own shitty internalization from years of passive aggressive bullshit.

I am a manager with ADHD who manages some people with ADHD and it’s hard for all of us - I try to give my reports space to fail and overcome ruts “If you find yourself in an unproductive mood don’t beat yourself up - if your performance is an issue I’ll let you know well before any administrative actions are taken” and it’s still an issue.

I am hoping it isn’t as deeply beaten into genz but school absolutely wailed on us for momentary distraction… I remember being in a parent teacher meeting (there were a lot of those) where my mom asked “And xmunk is doing well on tests and retaining the knowledge?” And the teacher replied “Well yes, but he’s rarely focused in class and is disruptive during our quiet study time.” … I seriously want to go back and slap that teacher ‘Study time doesn’t benefit me, and if I’m being disruptive to others just fucking send me out to run around in circles in the playground or some shit.’ But no… my grades suffered not because of academic failures but because I was partially graded on my ability to mask.

Be fucking kind to your brain - there is an expected level of performance for your job and as long as you’re above that you can give yourself a brain break and you should not feel guilty about it.

My understanding (and it’s relatively poor even though I take Concerta myself) is that the mg is the total dosage that will be gradually released from the XR capsule over the day - so for the majority of the day (especially in the morning) you’re feeling far less than 18mg of methylphenidate in active use.

I think this is a discussion to have with your doctor but I’d suggest not coming in overly rationalizing - just tell them how you’re feeling on the dose (i.e. it’s less impactful) and see what they suggest.

Personally, I’ve found a different efficacy in Concerta vs generic methylphenidate XR at the same dosage and that tracks with my general impression of any neurological pharmaceutical agent… some things randomly work better for some people and violate common expectation or reason because brains are really fucking complicated, everyone is different, everyone has different brain chemistry, ADHD (and all other neurodivergences) are diagnosed by symptom rather than cause, and, most importantly, we really don’t have a fucking clue why things are effective and the entire field of neurochemistry is really just vibes based.

I hope you find a good resolution!

If you have access to actual stimulants they’re a better choice… but in the absence of availability we’ll all do the best we can. There are non-drug options that I’d personally suggest before self-medicating (like trying to dedicate daily time to exercise) but, honestly, whatever works… I don’t judge you for how you’re coping with ADHD - I do caution giving some options (like alcohol) as advice since it’s quite destructive for some. But whatever works for you personally works.

A loving and supporting partner that helps me when I need it and leans on me when they do.

Also, Concerta, a good sterile workplace, and exercise in the morning to get out the jitters.

I tripped into it… I have always been database/persistence focused and joined a rather young small company so I became THE expert - years pass and I’m now managing persistence and design for a modestly sized team.

Data Architect… also management at the moment.

I don’t think it gets harder with time - but, as an executive dysfunction, I think having more decisions to make is more difficult. When you were a kid you’d have parents directing a lot of your life but now you need to make all those decisions yourself. Additionally, I’m sure that stress doesn’t help… having additional stress as an adult will just make everything harder.

Assuming you don’t have to like… have a life for the next month - Factorio is always waiting to completely swallow you.

I got hooked young - one day my dad came home with a copy of Civilization (the Win 95 version I think) and said, “I think computer games are going to take off”.

Definitely the absolute worst - your brain is constantly being fed interesting things… I’ve found Civ and similar games bringing me to dawn without realizing it.

Just a note to the non-ADHD lurkers (we love you guys) my understanding is that this is an ADHD specific thing where we need the come down from stimulation to “switch off” sometimes - I think it’s probably awful advice for neutotypical folks and will just flood you with endorphins that keep you awake.

Also, as always, ADHD isn’t monolithic and your mileage may vary.

Exhaust your body - put on techno and dance, work out, do something physical that will get your blood pumping… it’s what helps me when I’m in that state.

You’re in a high paying career and knew someone in the country, that made things way easier for you, and indiscriminately giving the advice that people should emigrate makes you sound like a privileged tool.

The negativity is immense - why are you seeking such an adversarial interaction?