A casual community for people with ADHD
Values:
Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.
Rules:
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
- No porn, gore, spam, or advertisements allowed.
- Do not request for donations.
- Do not link to other social media or paywalled content.
- Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- No racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, or ageism.
- Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
- Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
- Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).
Encouraged:
- Funny memes.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our values.
Relevant Lemmy communities:
Autism
ADHD Memes
Bipolar Disorder
Therapy
Mental Health
Neurodivergent Life Hacks
lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.
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Avoiding situations that allow others to define me on their terms.
I’m curious what this means. Did you find a way to turn those situations into “your terms” or are you just avoiding everything uncomfortable?
No judgement if it’s the second, but that’s not going to work in my world.
Something I did wrong for many years, decades even, was to focus exclusively on trying to improve the areas where I struggle compared to normies. I always felt bad because I found it so hard to do simple things that were easy for most people.
Gradually, I realized there are things I can do that the normies can’t. So instead of constantly trying to redeem myself by improving the things I suck at, I focus on those things I’m really good at.
For example, if I do a job that is all delivery, where I’m just executing rote tasks that someone else has defined, I’ll struggle. If I do a job that is strategic and/or creative and involves very little rote delivery, I’ll excel.
The problem was that school is mostly rote delivery according to a fixed schedule, and early-career jobs tend to be the same. I really struggled during those times of my life. But once I got to the point where I could get more creative/strategic work, the way my brain works finally became an asset rather than a liability.
It’s depressing to hear most people say medication helped them the most. I’m still on a waiting list. Failing my college, work and life.
tbh I wrote a long-ass post bc I saw yours; I also didn’t have meds when I started wrestling all this
I found out too late. I’ve unknowingly been battling for over a decade, and yet only now I understand just how insignificant my progress really is.
I get how you feel that, but I can’t agree. Knowing who we are is real, tangible progress. Ages of people like us died never having the words we’re able to use now. You’re still alive, and you’re trying, and you’re getting somewhere.
It’s not too late.
Fuck off with that mindless positivity bullshit. I’ve tried my hardest and have gotten nowhere. I’ve failed college once and am failing it twice. I haven’t got any useful skills and I’m bad at the best job I’ve ever had. You are either lucky you’re not half as retarded as some of us, or simply ignorant of how debilitating ADHD can be.
Shou I get your point but I agree with beefbot Im sure you havnt tried everything…
When you know something doesnt work, the benefit is that you know to try somthing else.
Have you tried Religiously Swimming 5 times a week, combined with light-weight excersize at the gym? Add in solid 8 hours of sleep and noFap… For me its a huge boost in Mood and ADHD…
If not that what about Magic Mushrooms, LSD, Amphetamines?
You were given the gift of life and time for free… So long as you have it you can spend it to correct your problems.
Why assume I haven’t done so already?
I used to exercise 3 to 5 times a week depending on how much an old injury allowed me. I did boxing. I love it. It does nothing for my exc. Functioning, nor does it calm my mind after. It took me 3 months of forcing myself before I started to enjoy it. After that, it became easy to go fitness/do boxing. I struggle to keep up as my health detoriates amd energy levels fluctuate.
Chonic stress has taken its toll. I started to suffer from hallucinations and misinterpretations. Which have gotten serious in the past half year. Weed, and psylocibin can worsen this. Makeshift meds are a no go for me. I once bought 1 blunt (hasj), thinking I was stable enouhh to try it. It remains waiting in a drawer for god knows how long. I already have an addiction to gaming which is hard to beat. I don’t need a second one.
I sleep a lot more than the average person. If I can fit a nap during break, I savour every minute. I keep to 6-22 day rythmn. If I need more sleep, I go to bed earlier and stay in longer. The perks of being an early bird. I rarely stay up past 22.00.
I beat depression once. Properly so. Trying everything and accepting every bad and good change during remission. After two years, developed a “will” of my own after not having experienced it in 13-14 years or so.
Then I hit that ADHD wall again and lost my future. Having to give up on my aspirations once more. Because I am too retarded for society. For the work I wished to do. This is the 3rd time I have to face the facts.
My parents both considered abortion. But my mother, whom I got ADHD from, thought girls couldn’t get it. So she kept me. She didn’t want a child, she wanted a solution to her loneliness. Both my parents were neglectful and my mother was abusive and controlling.
I’ve been spending years not just fixing my own problems, but now of my infantile parents too. My sister and I raised ourselves.
So tell me. How is life a gift when you’re disabled? When your family is an assembly of autists? How does the path of healing look like, when whatever brain part needs to heal never properly developed to begin with? Have you tried navigating that yet?
Oof. Not a good look
Even after I became aware that I have ADHD in my 40s, additional years were still wasted after not getting treatment, with lost jobs, money etc.
Sitting on a referral from the GP for 18 months now, and they don’t even give me an appointment in a distant future. The only thing that worked for me in my 20s: Set the bar low enough. Stop “planning” to study for 3 hours “tomorrow”, or half-assing 2 hours while a video plays, you are on the phone and get coffee 5 times. Instead, admit that you’ll only get 25 minutes in. But do them today, completely focussed, no distractions, not even getting water, no toilet break etc.
Think of it like squid game. The team that gets the best test score after 25 minutes studying lives. You’d rather pee in your pants than to get up and certainly wouldn’t check your phone.
Worked for me, can’t say if it will for you.
That’s what I’ve been doing. “Even if it’s just 10min, it’s 10minutes I’ve done what I wanted to.”
It’s unreliable, and works half the time. The harsh approach no longer works. The bar is on the ground. My focus is now on just learning to take care of myself, and that don’t go well either.
There are two things that really help(ed) me:
Starting to smoke weed daily, while moving to another city: It made me find out what has always beed wrong with me, and so I came to the diagnosis.
Writing everything down, in a way my brain understands. I use a project management app, called Logseq, for that.
removed by mod
With weed its not straight forward, because many diff strains produce diff outcomes, some can make ur ADHD worse, others better. But buying it on the street will not give reproducible results.
At first, my anxieties became present to me, so I could work on them. Weed makes me think about my life, about things that bother me deep inside. It made me do further investigations. I had (to a point still have) to reprocess my life. It turned out, I’m traumatized because of people constantly refusing or bullying me in my past, because I never fitted in. And I had no clue, why.
I used to keep distance to people and be a loner, until recently. Weed broke up some of these habits. I got my feelings back, after I used to refuse showing any emotion.
I also learned, I have issues listening. I often changed my mind spontaneously without noticing - now I do notice and I learned to self-regulate better. I also didn’t know noise (the overwhelm of too many sounds or voices) overloads my senses, and that’s what triggers my aggressive behaviour or let me run away sometimes.
Since I started smoking, I do easier meet people who understand me. That’s also when someone at a party suggested I look 100% like having ADHD and I should do the test.
I also noticed another effect when microdosing at work: It helps me focus and it temporarily brings back the energy when being exhausted from work. (This depends on the strain, of course. Amnesia or White Widow work great here). However, this comes with the risk of burning myself out, so I do it only when necessary.
For me, learning to manage my life in a way that works with my ADHD. For example, if I learn I need to do something, and it’s something I can do now, I get up and do it. If I don’t, I’m likely to forget or put it off too long. Finding ways to build routines, like I suddenly decided I should lick my teeth when getting ready for bed, this makes me realize they are dirty, and I feel forced to brush my teeth before I can sleep. Before that I wasn’t brushing every day. You have to figure out what ADHD prevents you from doing like a normal person, and plan around it.
I don’t medicate right now because I have enough control to be able to function at work and my day to day life without it. But I’ve also had success in the past from either Vyvanse and Strattera (took them at different periods in my life)
Thats a terrific cue, I’m going to implement that
Vyvanse takes the cake for me, easy. But which brain meds work for you is heavily dependent on your particular brain chemistry.
Otherwise, obsessive usage of alarms and reminders is the best crutch I’ve found to remain somewhat productive.
My single biggest thing changed over time. Here comes a novel (caveat this turned out like a cheesy LinkedIn post, UGH apologies)
1st big thing - meditating.
Then with that meds became the biggest
Each was the biggest at its time. & once i got them, I needed less of each. Together they got me to an ok place. But still I wasn’t waking up & looking for jobs or being great to friends & family (here comes the vomitrocious LinkedIn part) —
Whatever magic works, they got me almost there, to where I could get a big chance (job, a partner I love, etc). But there they stop, that’s all the job they can do. For me, it’s me who has to do the work now. Couldn’t have done it without them, but they can’t do it all for me 🤷♂️
OP idk what will work for you & obviously this isn’t an answer you thought you were looking for. But I know your urge to seek out something now, means there is a future you who finds it
My story is a silly LinkedIn post & sorry for that , but… it’s true: your neuro-fucking-awesome brain will always tell you what’s right. That voice won’t ever leave you, even though it’s really quiet. So: idk, just go slowly & listen to your own brain 🧠 👍🙏💪
+1 for “The Good Place” bit
Treating my sleep apnea, and also getting adderall
You use the machine or other things?
I got a machine from my doctor
What side do you sleep on and can you move around easily?
I usually flip back and forth between my left and right side. The air tube has plenty of slack and there’s a hinge and pivot where it meets the mask so it moves around pretty easily.
Just accepting that it was really affecting my life. After that I went and got therapy and meds. Really helped me learn how to handle myself. I’m a better person because of it.
The generic for Ritalin works wonders for me. Extended Release though, not regular or Sustained Release.
The second thing that most improved my ADHD was not trying to do anything complex or important in the evenings after focus is lost. Just let it be relaxation and gaming time so I don’t need to clean up my failure in the morning.
Interesting. I’m usually wired in the morning, crash late afternoon/evening, and then get wired again at around 11pm.
I used to before being diagnosed when I worked 10-6 or noon to 8 shifts. Working 8-5 really fucks with my sleep and causes the evening brain fog.
But 8-5 pays way better.
Nothing. Nothing has worked. I am fucking exhausted trying to figure out how to work with it or strategize against it and nothing fucking works. Fuck meds, fuck therapy, fuck psychiatry, fuck all the “just meditate and find a claiming center and ‘enter inane unhelpful bullshit here’”. Fuck it all. Nothing. Fucking. Works. I fucking hate it.
Good luck OP. I hope you have better luck than me.
Yo, that’s totally cool. Fuck meditation then, fuck all the rest of the shit. You might need to run your ass like a dog. NGL. OR! Just be an agent of chaos and own it and be fucking open with the people you’re around “Hello, my name is _ and I am an agent of chaos” and then laugh maniacally and just fucking own that you make crazy shit happen. My girlfriend and I are both AuDHD and she does the craziest shit in this world. Shit that I wouldn’t believe if I hadn’t been around her. I fucking shit you not, I SHIT YOU NOT! I mean 10xs over I shit you not - she has just been minding her own business when shit just flies out of the sky around her. And I would never in a million years believe that shit, but I have seen it happen. And I saw it happen recently. And it’s fucking insane, and it makes me realize there might be more to this world than we know. But for sure, you just be you. Cause I think my girlfriend said it best. It’s better to be unmedicated and here, than medicated and one foot out the door. So please, just be aware that your way is totally valid too =)
That is awful. I hope you can find relief somewhere.
I’ve been lucky and the drugs are a godsend for me, despite having the gene that makes me hyper metabolize stimulants (which basically means they don’t last long enough in my system).
It is seriously under-appreciated how awful this disorder is in the modern world - especially if you are not of the wealthier classes.
I’ve struggled a lot too. Nothing quite helps enough, which leaves me like progression blue-balled on tasks. What HAS helped the most is allowing myself to do multiple tasks at once. I write them down and just do what I feel like as they come around. I also made sure to find work that allows me to do this. So basically I built parts of my life around my adhd so that the walls I bounce off of are at least walls I need to hit.
This is without treating my sleep apnea, no therapy, and no medication. However, it has also meant having a very solid understanding of what I cope with and how I cope with it. Because I have depression separate from adhd, and anxiety which is fueled by both and some trauma, the single most effective thing I’ve ever done is take the time to truly understand each aspect.
Now I can mentally set aside my anxiety and am able to will myself to not listen to that cruel little voice. For my depression I’ve learned to accept it and work with it rather than fighting. With ADHD I adapted my circumstances rather than try to force the adhd to work with everything else. So far the only thing I haven’t found a way to do is force myself to do tasks I don’t want to do. There MUST be some reason, otherwise I’ll procrastinate.
I don’t expect any of this to help. I do hope some of it does, though. We all deserve to be able to look forward to the next day, if only a little.
Did you try Selank or Semax yet?
Don’t think I have heard of those. I will check into them.
I’ve been feeling this way a lot myself lately. I sympathize, it’s putting me in a bad way too
Yeah, I get crabby and down if I dwell on it too much. So instead I bottle it up and let it fester. Surely that won’t be an issue. I like your username BTW, that’s awesome.
Remedies don’t do anything for me, so instead, I try to change my behaviors and mindset. It’s hard since it’s a tug of war against myself, but I think I am getting better. And as the saying goes, to solve a problem, first the person needs to know he/she has a problem, so I try to keep an eye for potential issues I may have.
80 mg of atamoxetine + 10 mg Adderall
That and I quit smoking weed.
agree & to an extent, when I was first starting this it was weed that helped melt some wall in my brain that was keeping me from seeing even THAT I was v different from other people
Later on tho, weed became bad for me. Irritable, always SO tired, caffeine totally stopped working. Total fckg drag. Used to be fun but now it’s not at all worth it
Vyvanse
Short release methylphenidate.
I’m 43 and have had pretty troublesome ADHD my whole life. I was a mess of a student and failed at several careers. That said, I have found some intermittent and sometimes lasting success working in tech sales. I am still a disorganized mess. I still need meds. I take Vyvanse. What has brought some semblance of organizational presence for me is journaling. When I journal in the morning, it calms the noise and releases some of the pressure. The entries are garbage noise from my brain mixed with some formatted statements of accomplishments. Any kind of positive streak I have going gets a mention. It helps to not feel like the chaotic anxiety and noise bomb that I often can be to people.
Meds help, but they change things. Adderall makes me high and obnoxious until I crash. Concerta makes me mean and unable to transition. I worked in mental health for a long time and didn’t like what I saw happen to people with strattera, so I haven’t tried that one. Vyvanse gives me the push and focus without the hyper focus or mood crash. My emotions seem like my own. That’s why I stuck with it.
There are areas that your ADHD can thrive. You are allowed to indulge in those. You can forgive yourself for being extra weight for the people you love at times.
If your life affords you any room for it, be outside and find any way(s) to create. Cook, sing, write, play ping pong… ADHD does offer some areas of excellence along with the deficits. Lean into those whenever and however you can.
It’s still the world. It still actively hates you. We’ve got to get through this life somehow though.
Man I wish I had the reaction to Vyvanse you do, makes me feel the same as Ritalin did, like I have no emotions at all and was just a shell of a person. Adderall works just fine but I really wish I could find something that worked like Dexedrine did before I hit puberty. And I can’t take Wellbutrin because that makes me suicidal
Would you care to elaborate on the downsides of Strattera? I’ve been considering switching to Vyvanse for a while now but couldn’t find a compelling reason to tell my insurance why they should support the switch (I think lisdexamphetamine is more expensive than atomoxetin).
So this is hard because I didn’t take it myself, but I worked in a mental health hospital for 12 years and saw how different meds interact with different people. What I saw somewhat consistently with strattera was a shortening of temper. Lisa so in children, but with adults, I saw people become violent over what most would consider mild disruptions to their day. When I spoke with some of the doctors I worked with, a few said that they wouldn’t ever recommend this med because their patients reported feeling angry all the time. Keep in mind, this is all just my little experience. I kinda hate taking meds, but today I take gabapentin and Vyvanse and both my adhd and anxiety are mostly pretty manageable. I still fuck up my bills and forget important things and all the stuff that comes with the loudness of ADHD. I am enjoying my life though and I’m able to keep to most of my healthy routines.
Thank you for your response. Luckily, I cannot say I’m particularly short-tempered. Certainly not moreso than unmedicated. That said, when I do get upset the Strattera might make things a little worse for me, with side effects ranging from dry mouth to dizziness.