Tell me about it. Wait until you are in your mid fourtiesb nd you feel like a creep trying to interact with people around you… That’s why we have Internet communities!
*Cries in front of the phone screen
I feel that. Trying to make friends online and realizing everyone on the other side is typicallu in their 20s, and while you can enjoy the same things, it’s hard to relate to each other. We’re just not in the same place in life. Joined a discord called “Old Folks” and it’s still people aged 20-30.
I’ve recently found that it is way easier in your thirties to make friends with 70 year olds. They have time to meet whenever you are available, have great perspective and in my case, share more if my interests than people my age.
Try gardening groups, dancing lessons, bridge groups, local language classes, and you’ll find tons of friends!
It isn’t too hard if you’re willing to fail a lot first. It takes time, but I really turned my life around eventually. Even still I feel like an imposter, but an imposter with plenty friends anyway now
If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to join a group first. It’s awful. It’s stressful. But you have to join a group of some kind. That’s where IRL people are.
The problem is the other people in their 30s are boring, miserable, and second-guessing their life choices constantly. Even if they made the effort to be friends, I couldn’t stand them. The only people that don’t do that are my friends…my old friends…in my old city…far, far away… Oh, god I’m miserable and second guessing moving here.
I have 1 friend who I am capable of seeing irl on a regular basis, the rest dozen of them are all from back in the day and are literally scattered around the world.
My 30s were so so so much better than my 20s, it wasn’t even funny. I partied practically non-stop from the point my 1st marriage ended in my early 30s, to when my 2nd one began at 41. I made tons of new friends, dated around a lot and had the best time of my life.
Now that I have 2 kids, a stressful job and my money evaporates the moment it hits my bank account, I also have lost all my friends. The only ones I have now are other adults with kids around the same age as my kids, because that’s pretty much the only time you get to socialize with other adults.
The secret is: hang out with people younger than yourself and/or get involved in a scene. I’m a musician so I just went to shows or met people at mine. It doesn’t have to be that though, I also joined a volleyball team and while I stunk up the joint, I also got to meet a bunch of cool people. Really most friendships are based on proximity and common interest, so if you’re into movies, go to movie festivals or special showings. Go to meetups, get involved in a political campaign (if you’re political).
That’s my experience and advice too. I just naturally find friends that are on average 15 years younger than me. I’m early 50s and most friends are mid-30s. Working at a university for years sort of established that pattern and it has remained even though i went corporate.
I mean, have you met US Americans in their 50s? For me it’s the lack of imagination they tend to exhibit. I’m a perpetual child myself, no kids, no plans or desire for any. Younger friends have interests and dreams, still. I do too!
I find the quiet desperation that oozes from people in my age cohort to be off putting. If you are desperate, stop being quiet about it!
Having younger friends keeps me optimistic because younger generations seem to have looked behind the curtain and have partially deconstructed the illusions we are ruled by. Maybe there’s hope?
I feel this as well. If I don’t initiate anything, the friendship will die down since everyone else is “silent” and busy with their life. If I ask too much, I fear that I’m needy and might bother others.
For real. And then there is also the classic ‘their lives are probably a bit better without my crappy presence in it, so it’s only moral to leave them alone’.
This is one reason why my men’s group is so great. The leader is a good cheerleader, like a mom. I express something like this and he’s like “I like you. I get value from knowing you. Where do you think this idea came from that you’re a burden?” and then we dig into it and it actually works. I’ve had so many mind blowing shifts in how my mind feels to be in, and how that changes my thoughts. I feel way less like an intrusion than I did before.
The key thing in forming friendships is to encounter the person by accident. Making plans each time kills the bonding magic; you have to bump into them.
This is why regular presence in a social space is key. You need to have people you encounter without having specifically planned to see them.
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Meeh, not really impossible, but damn hard, that’s for sure.
I’m not in my 30’ and it’s hard/impossible to find friends. So, in my 30’ it will be impossible. Gosh.
Tell me about it. Wait until you are in your mid fourtiesb nd you feel like a creep trying to interact with people around you… That’s why we have Internet communities! *Cries in front of the phone screen
I feel that. Trying to make friends online and realizing everyone on the other side is typicallu in their 20s, and while you can enjoy the same things, it’s hard to relate to each other. We’re just not in the same place in life. Joined a discord called “Old Folks” and it’s still people aged 20-30.
Yeah, it’s like Milfs who are actually 35 yo…
join a men’s group
I’ve recently found that it is way easier in your thirties to make friends with 70 year olds. They have time to meet whenever you are available, have great perspective and in my case, share more if my interests than people my age.
Try gardening groups, dancing lessons, bridge groups, local language classes, and you’ll find tons of friends!
This is basically the plot of Breaking Bad.
Walter was in his 40s at the beginning of the series.Walter was almost in his 40s at the beginning of the series.
Went back and checked: Walter was 50 at the start of the series. The series spanned two years of in-universe time, and he died at 52.
Anyway, the point stands. Cooking meth is a valid shared interest for an older man and a younger man to bond over.
Actually, you’re right, but it couldn’t be closer. The show starts at 5:02AM on his fiftieth birthday.
Damn, a lot of shit happened in only two years
It isn’t too hard if you’re willing to fail a lot first. It takes time, but I really turned my life around eventually. Even still I feel like an imposter, but an imposter with plenty friends anyway now
Donno sounds like a lot of work, I’d rather just be lonely
I mean I don’t WANT to be lonely, but it’s much easier, eh?
Exactly, I’m lazy and most humans suck
If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to join a group first. It’s awful. It’s stressful. But you have to join a group of some kind. That’s where IRL people are.
Hello, it’s me, your fellow group mate
I mean, it’s how I made friends when I was a child. I suppose the time crunch is what makes it seem impossible.
The problem is the other people in their 30s are boring, miserable, and second-guessing their life choices constantly. Even if they made the effort to be friends, I couldn’t stand them. The only people that don’t do that are my friends…my old friends…in my old city…far, far away… Oh, god I’m miserable and second guessing moving here.
I have 1 friend who I am capable of seeing irl on a regular basis, the rest dozen of them are all from back in the day and are literally scattered around the world.
Get friends younger/older than you then.
My 30s were so so so much better than my 20s, it wasn’t even funny. I partied practically non-stop from the point my 1st marriage ended in my early 30s, to when my 2nd one began at 41. I made tons of new friends, dated around a lot and had the best time of my life.
Now that I have 2 kids, a stressful job and my money evaporates the moment it hits my bank account, I also have lost all my friends. The only ones I have now are other adults with kids around the same age as my kids, because that’s pretty much the only time you get to socialize with other adults.
The secret is: hang out with people younger than yourself and/or get involved in a scene. I’m a musician so I just went to shows or met people at mine. It doesn’t have to be that though, I also joined a volleyball team and while I stunk up the joint, I also got to meet a bunch of cool people. Really most friendships are based on proximity and common interest, so if you’re into movies, go to movie festivals or special showings. Go to meetups, get involved in a political campaign (if you’re political).
That’s my experience and advice too. I just naturally find friends that are on average 15 years younger than me. I’m early 50s and most friends are mid-30s. Working at a university for years sort of established that pattern and it has remained even though i went corporate.
I mean, have you met US Americans in their 50s? For me it’s the lack of imagination they tend to exhibit. I’m a perpetual child myself, no kids, no plans or desire for any. Younger friends have interests and dreams, still. I do too!
I find the quiet desperation that oozes from people in my age cohort to be off putting. If you are desperate, stop being quiet about it!
Having younger friends keeps me optimistic because younger generations seem to have looked behind the curtain and have partially deconstructed the illusions we are ruled by. Maybe there’s hope?
There’s a Rancid lyric that stuck with me:
“Some grow up, and some grow old”
I grew old.
Which cities did you move from and to?
Sooner or later either they stop responding to my summoning or I stop summoning them thinking I’m bothering them too much …
^read
I feel this as well. If I don’t initiate anything, the friendship will die down since everyone else is “silent” and busy with their life. If I ask too much, I fear that I’m needy and might bother others.
For real. And then there is also the classic ‘their lives are probably a bit better without my crappy presence in it, so it’s only moral to leave them alone’.
This is one reason why my men’s group is so great. The leader is a good cheerleader, like a mom. I express something like this and he’s like “I like you. I get value from knowing you. Where do you think this idea came from that you’re a burden?” and then we dig into it and it actually works. I’ve had so many mind blowing shifts in how my mind feels to be in, and how that changes my thoughts. I feel way less like an intrusion than I did before.
The trick is to have kids and then get them to be friends with the kids who have parents that look cool to you.
This is the way
The other day I realized the only way I’ll ever get to play in a band is if I force my children to learn and be my band mates 🤣
I’ll be in your band, friend.
It works. Ol’ Clootie’s a dab hand at 21!
Why summon Baphomet if you can buy a doll?
i’m 26 but i simply choose to not care anymore
it works 83% of the time
I’m an introvert, I never cared works 100% of the time
I’m in my early 40s and joined a women’s only gym and have made lots of new acquaintances, one actual new friend, and a couple more in the works.
The advice to join a club or get involved in a group hobby has never really worked for me before, but I guess it’s not completely impossible.
The key thing in forming friendships is to encounter the person by accident. Making plans each time kills the bonding magic; you have to bump into them.
This is why regular presence in a social space is key. You need to have people you encounter without having specifically planned to see them.
I don’t know why this is, but it’s true.
You could join a club (sports or what ever you like).
Yeah or some type of meetup group. Or even something political if that’s your thing.
Volunteering also works