In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don’t know what I’ve been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they’re supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don’t like the way the things are and I can’t do anything but envy those people. Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually “pace up” with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks, I’ll look into them all
There can only be so many people with impressive achievements in a world of 8 billion people that deserves to be recorded in the history books. And then you should think about the millions and millions of people lost to history and prehistory (pre writing) period that have left this world with barely a trace of even the city that they and thousands of their community occupied. So many people completely and totally lost to time.
When I think about it like that, I realize it’s my ego making me feel bad for not “accomplishing” something when there’s so few of us who get to alter the thread of civilization.
Besides, the world is not about prestige or world-reknown accomplishments. You should try to think about what you can fill your life with, or projects you can do, that would genuinely make you happy. Nobody else living their best life is stopping you from doing anything. Keep telling yourself that excelling over others is not where happiness or contentness comes from. It’s just fodder for your ego, which gets you nothing but bar fights.
Your life was always yours and it’s a shame when our upbringing doesn’t instill that in us.
You’re a good candidate for taoist philosophy. While I’m not sure what having absolutely no long term goals really feels like, I’ve had them my whole life, I can tell you that people have their own paths, and its in this diversity of paths that one of our strengths as a species lies. This is why authoritarians suck on the modern battlefield–too much conformity, leaves them inflexible. We allow diversity of thought and encourage initiative and independent action, in our militaries.
I don’t think you should look to other people’s accomplishments if accomplishing those things was never your goal in the first place, though. Was your goal, perhaps, learning? If so, those folks usually wind up with an eventual responsibility of handing their knowledge down to future generations, once it is accumulated sufficiently. I don’t see how that contribution is worth any less than a start-up though.
No - I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my life. I feel like I’m supposed to feel that way, and I know that many (most?) people looking from the outside in would believe that I have, but I just don’t feel that way. I’m content, and as far as i can tell, that’s the only thing that matters.
Ah, but there’s the rub - I’m content. It sounds as if you’re not.
Unfortunately, the only thing I can definitely recommend is to try to assess your own feelings and figure out if you really are discontented or if you’re just going along with the idea that you should be.
But if you really are discontented… I guess I could say to try to look at what it is that you really value (which is likely not coincidentally what you’ve mostly done with your time) and try to actually feel the value in it.
But I have no idea how that’s done, since its apparently just something that I do naturally.
Got my third diagnosis 😭
Ok comparison is bad but what in this thread even makes you think I might be depressed? I’m just harsh with my past and I believe I’m rightful to do so, and overwhelmed a bit about my life overall. Like, I’m still high-functioning, I’m motivated enough to carry out challenging stuff daily
I used to be depressed though, on a “high” level. I think I got over it by now
It’s the whole vibe of your response - the whole feeling of helplessness is often associated with depression, being overwhelmed by life is also a very frequent symptom of depression.
Being high-functioning and motivated to carry out with life doesn’t mean you’re not depressed.
I’m not saying you are depressed, that can’t be diagnosed over few simple comments, I’m just saying you sound like you might be depressed and it might be good to go check with a professional if that’s the case.
For every 1 dude who does incredible shit, 99 of us are getting by being content. Being content and unremarkable is the norm, don’t let social media or fucked up parents tell you otherwise.
The only meaning to life is being happy and content. There really isn’t any meaning to it, so the former is the best option.
If you really feel like you need to do something or regret it forever, then you need to get off your ass and start making changes. Otherwise surprise! You’re just like everyone else!
Nobody TRULY cares except YOU and MAYBE your closest loved ones. Even then you realize people pay way more attention about what people think they think about them vs what they actually do. Most people generally don’t give two shits as long as you treat them with GENUINE love, openness, bare minimum respect.
Psst you are 17. You can’t even legally waste your life on alcohol or drugs yet in Canada. Maybe you are/were messing around and causing trouble. You can still get out of it at this stage.
You are still growing up. You are at the starting line. What you do from here is up to what you want.
I know almost everyone has a parent or relativ tell a kid to be the next Galileo, Mozart, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, or invent the next thingymajig. But it’s more about what you desire to do, what you desire to be.
It took me over a year to find work in my field in the industry I wanted to be in (railways). Did I waste a year of my life? From some perspectives, yes, but I think not really because it was a terribly challenging time keeping my mental health, job applications are so bullshit but I got what I wanted eventually.
Did you want to change the world? Here’s how I did. I had a casual chat with a homeless person by the parish, gave them 10 dollars, and the dollar store gloves on my hands to help them on the cold winter’s day. It didn’t do much to combat poverty in society overall, but for this person on this day it seemed like I meant the world to them. Even if that was 2 or 3 years ago, that’s something I can feel just as proud about (if not more) as all my programming, hobby projects, school and work accomplishments.
Psst you are 17. You can’t even legally waste your life on alcohol or drugs yet in Canada. Maybe you are/were messing around and causing trouble. You can still get out of it at this stage.
I wasn’t really causing trouble to people around me, but I definitely caused trouble for myself. Either by lack of awareness or by laziness or mental problems. I just didn’t do anything for myself. I think I don’t miss anything that has happened in the past a lot, I just did regular stuff that was just enough to keep me afloat
I know almost everyone has a parent or relativ tell a kid to be the next Galileo, Mozart, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, or invent the next thingymajig. But it’s more about what you desire to do, what you desire to be.
No one tells me that. In fact, everyone around me usually tells me “I’m proud of you” “I wish I was you” or stuff like that mostly for some good stuff I did in the last year
I’m just not content with myself. I want more, and seeing people that have more makes me feel bad so I also want that
I think the thing you are missing is that you are comparing yourself to people who are not only exceptional but also and more importantly lucky. No one who is 17 is able to do these things without some luck and often resources and support from people with vastly more resources than so-called normal Joe has. You also have no idea how far their ideas will actually carry. You all are just getting started.
We have this image of everyone starting at the same line but even without taking into account different natural abilities, we do not. Someone has neurodivergence or mental health struggles holding them behind. Others have physical disabilities. People come from differing wealth statuses or family composition. Some have huge amounts of connections to what they want to do. Some people get a better education. Some don’t even have a home or country they can stay in. The only thing you can do is your best. And learn that your value doesn’t come from what you do or have done, but from being first a person and secondly a good person. You are unique.
I am more than twice your age which by some standards makes me old. My life has been full of missed opportunities, mistakes, doing things too late, and a lot of things that other people think are amazing. It is hard to come out of inside my head and really look into what I have done. While I am nothing special or great, when you try to see yourself from the outside the view is very different. What I see as something that held me back and that is still keeping me back, others see it as overcoming a really crappy childhood and functioning despite the hell I went through. What I see as an easy way to make money, childcare, the children I took care of see as something integral to their childhoods in a positive way. And the accidental adventure based on the fact that I couldn’t stop myself from at least trying to help made me a humanitarian aid worker with actual expertise. Now I am planning on pivoting again as I want something less stressful so I am looking into university in my mid-thirties. Where I have imposter syndrome, others see expert to be respected. But none of those happened because I was so good. From the social safety net my country provided to the almost entirely free and good quality education I received, lifted me to be more than what my beginnings would have indicated in the majority of countries around the globe. I have friends who only could have 4 years of school until they ended in my country as adults. They got extraordinarily lucky based on the routes and times they took those routes to even end up here. Had they not, I can promise all their efforts for the foreseeable future would have gone to just surviving. While I am somewhat intelligent on paper at least, that was not what made our lives different. It was the where, when, and how our lives started and what happened along the way we had little to do with.
Do I feel like I wasted my life? Yes and no. While I do not regret anything, I think I should have lived a little bit more for my own benefit. But it would be a little bit premature to think I wasted my life. There is hopefully half at least left.
You. You are just starting. While the destination is somewhat relevant to life in general in that you need in my opinion to be working for a goal even if it changes, it is the journey that really matters. Don’t get so stuck with the goal of becoming someone that you miss the journey. Your value comes from you being you, so be you. There is really only one of those.
I stopped accusing those people to be privileged. Some are, but there are many people from backgrounds similar to me, if not even worse. I met them. They aren’t special. They just act with their minds and make some good decisions. I could perfectly be in a position similar to them if I made the right decisions.
If they were from backgrounds like you they would be you. Your decisions didn’t come from a vacuum. We are a complex mix of our genetics and environment. You really also have no idea how they will deal with things in the future. There are concepts like peaked in high school and previous gifted children and youth that ended up not doing a lot with their lives later.
Also, inventing something or founding a successful startup is not necessarily succeeding in life. There are scores of people who got rich and/or famous and are miserable. While money is important up to a point, external success doesn’t really mean you are living a life worth living. It can help but comes with its own cost.
I think you are focusing on external things instead of internal ones. You are also comparing yourself to people whose heads you have never been in.
Why do you think those decisions were so much better? You focusing on academics and enjoying yourself is pretty much what I think you should have been doing. Being a child and a teenager is exactly the time when you should be figuring out yourself and what you like so you do not wake up at thirty and be in a profession you hate.
The vast majority of people don’t end up inventing something. Are they wasting their lives?
Ambitious! I like it. Well I don’t know all about you, so here’s what I suggest:
Write down what it is you really want (privately), because “I want more” is very broad and not a need that can easily be satisfied.
Do you want to be famous such that many people who you’ve never met would know your name?
Do you want to be rich and powerful so that you can retire early and have stuff taken care for you?
Do you want to be a small part of developing a big invention that benefits the whole world?
Do you want to help people in any way you can even if it meant sacrifices to yourself?
Do you want to become knowledgeable in an area where only a few hundred people have a true understanding of the latest advancements?
Do you want to travel to every corner of the world, or further into space?
Do you want to live your life in a way that will help bring a more livable world for future generations?
Each of these all will require some levels of dedication, effort, resolve, money and luck. Figure out what it is you want and to what level, figure out what are the challenges keeping you from it (money, time, knowledge, luck, connections, physical/mental complications, what have you), then figure out how to best deal with these challenges to get to your goal.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people
Same.
How did you deal with this?
One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you. Still on that page, another thing that kind of helps me deal with it is knowing that a good portion of those “30 under 30” from Forbes might be grifts or scams, like Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman Fraud and Charlie Javice.
Another thing that helps me cope is knowing that this whole pressure for overachieving is cultural poison. It’s the same shit those NLP quantic coaches peddle, a way to blame YOU for not having an amazing life, full of riches and recognition, because YOU didn’t try hard enough. An easy, culturally acceptable way to look down on people with deadend jobs or unemployed.
I don’t like the way the things are
Me neither and, like you, I don’t have the means to change shit. Apes alone weak. But, like the TLDR, you have to focus more on what you CAN do, even if small and irrelevant. That’s still on you and that’s your part.
The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I understand why huge communities can make everyone feel so lonely. You live somewhere close to, say, 20 families, but barely know 2, despite being physically close to where they sleep. How weird is that? All those closed doors and passing sights create a huge disconnect with people that you should care about, because they’re so close to where you live that their lives can directly affect yours.
One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you
I feel like I won’t be able to improve unless I see people better than me
Being a kind, generous person, being a good, supportive friend, such things matter so much more than having a startup or some patent. There are plenty of people who have “success” in the latter sense (often because they are good at bullshitting, boasting, marketing) but are - overall - a drain on society and their surroundings in terms of the first.
Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my ‘big break’ where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that’s relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.
My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven’t even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.
Time you’ve spent enjoying yourself is absolutely not time wasted.
I know what you mean, but keep in mind that you’re comparing yourself to everyone that made it. There’s over 6 billion people on earth, and you compare yourself to, what, 5 people? 10? 15?
I honestly didn’t really enjoy my past years. It’s not like I was partying in the time I’d be doing new projects.
That number is definitely not anywhere near 10 or 15. And I’m not comparing myself to “average” because I was never average. Median income globally is 12k$ per year, and half of the people are earn lower than that. I only compare myself with people from similar background as me, and I see numerous examples they just did better choices with their time and opportunities.
Wait, you are 17? And think you need to have accomplished something already? No. No way. You can just develop into an adult version of yourself, that’s plenty enough to do for now.
Some people peak in high school, sure. But that’s sad, I think. Better to have a life that improves as you get older. You are the age of my youngest child, and my life now is better than it’s ever been. Hated being a kid & teenager, lacking control over my own life. Yes it feels like wasted time in a way, and yes I felt it hobbled me in terms of worldly ambition. But now? Don’t care. You can’t fix the past. Move forward.
I’m fearing I won’t develop into adult either. Not in the way that I could be satisfied
I could do so many stuff, I had absolutely nothing to do but I chose to do the most boring, most ordinary stuff, which does not help me in the slightest
But farther on you say you are trying to go to school out of country, that’s adventurous!
And of my own kids and step kids there’s not a lot of correlation between how successful they were early on, and what sort of success they have as adults.
In my own family the athletic but middling student was the only one with phenomenal worldly success, and I’m not at all sure he is happier for it. Second most financially successful is the one who just fucked off to some island for years and literally wasted time, then came back, went to school, started own business.
It’s never too late to start - I disagree entirely with the commenter who said adults are all stuck in a rut. It’s demonstrably untrue. There are many who find success at an older age, and even as a regular person my life is always changing, there are always new things to see, to read, to listen to, it’s fun to get lost and solve problems still.
But even if there was some rule about too late (and there’s not) you’d certainly not be near halfway there. Find things you actually like to do, and be nice to other people, that is how people get interesting. It may be hard to see from where you are, but you are in a great position. So much open road ahead. Build a life you can enjoy and try not to worry so much about meeting some bullshit goals or schedule.
I don’t know. Maybe the adults around me are lazy but literally all can’t move out of comfort zone, start something new.
Since you mentioned, yes I’m trying to study abroad (and it seems very likely). And I should be, because it has been my dream since 14 or something. But I only started preparing last year. Why? I just didn’t know I could study abroad. How could you be so blind that you can’t study abroad is a valid question that I can’t answer. I was misguided by all adults around me - just claimed it’s not possible until masters unless you get into a few super-selective high schools. But I could probably just open internet and ask the same question instead of taking the words of people that can’t even speak English. And I got confidence loss over not getting into these super-selective high schools (and not being able to study abroad), this effect combined with an unfortunate personal event got me into serious mental problems for around two years. This really wasn’t “I didn’t achieve good stuff because I partied too much” case, I didn’t enjoy my time doing unproductive stuff.
I was lucky enough I realized this is not the case later on by some means.
Looking at the opportunities of those students studying at international high schools in my country (which I was able to attend, but didn’t because I was not aware of the whole study abroad thing) who started this process 3 years ago and not 1 year, I’d probably get into Harvard or something of that sort - if I had these opportunities (which I could definitely have).
I just really feel far away from my true potential. I have huge regrets in non-academic areas of my life as well. I just didn’t make the best decisions for myself.
And I’m scared of getting older because I see adults around me at 30s or 40s don’t move an inch from their comfort zone. “I want to do x” “This would be nice” but there are no steps towards whatever they’re thinking of. They just seem stuck. I’m not sure getting married or having kids is what actually causes this effect though.
It seems so real I’ll study in the country I want to settle in, because I might think “nah I can’t spend more effort moving somewhere else, I don’t need more trouble”
There is no telling your future but from this one post I think you may find yourself more successful than you think. The fact you have realized that you are unhappy where you are is a big motivator to change that. Look at what you are planning on doing, studying abroad is a big step. It may not feel like it to you but it is.
I agree with all the other posts that comparing yourself to others is fruitless because you are not them. But if you really want to do something spectacular then go for it. What that is ? Who knows? And you don’t need to know right now. Just go out and learn about as many different things that you can. You never know where good ideas come from. Also meet as many different people as you can one big factor in doing great things is knowing great people. It will also make your experiences much more broad and interesting.
Say ‘yes’ to doing crazy (though non-life threatening) stuff
Take a class in some subject that you find really weird and/or uncomfortable
Ask for help when you need it.
Take a weird job
quit the weird job
Find a passion
find others that have that passion
get bored with that passion
Ask out someone that you think is wayyyy outside your league
I could keep going but its all great experiences and you will start to notice that you are caring less and less about the success of others because you are living your life.
Sorry for the rambling, but honestly this random internet stranger is actually quite envious of you and the life you have in front of you.
I was going to study abroad or settle somewhere else sooner or later, I just don’t see anything relevant to this country anymore. I don’t really feel attached to anywhere to be honest: family, friends, country, anything that comes to mind. And I love travel, and I feel sick when I stay in some place for too long. Studying abroad is the best option for me.
I’m just too late, and despite my tremendous effort (including but not limited to completely messing up my sleep schedule for work) since last year, I see people are much better in their position because they just started things earlier. Did the right things. Had a network of people that guided them well. And as I’m typing this here perhaps someone else started something I’d love to do.
I’ll take your advice though, thanks for suggestions
Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s good to be just yourself being weird and happy in your own way. If it feels like you are really missing something from your life that’s a normal feeling as well. Listen to yourself without the comparison. What are you missing what do you want?
At 17 I was a total waste of space. Didn’t even attempt to get my life together until I was about 23, and even then it was a long process. I barely even graduated high school.
Now I’m 32 and I’m that guy people are jealous of that “has his life together”. I’ve got a family, a good career, an education - all the societal boxes are checked.
I don’t think anybody really has their life “together”, though. We’re all just trying to get through life as best we can. I’m not necessarily any more “happy” now than I was at 17, I’ve just had more time to improve my situation a little at a time. Just live your life, my dude.
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For me? That seems low to be honest.
One of the biggest rules I adhere to that has changed my life is “Nothing is supposed to be anything”
There can only be so many people with impressive achievements in a world of 8 billion people that deserves to be recorded in the history books. And then you should think about the millions and millions of people lost to history and prehistory (pre writing) period that have left this world with barely a trace of even the city that they and thousands of their community occupied. So many people completely and totally lost to time.
When I think about it like that, I realize it’s my ego making me feel bad for not “accomplishing” something when there’s so few of us who get to alter the thread of civilization.
Besides, the world is not about prestige or world-reknown accomplishments. You should try to think about what you can fill your life with, or projects you can do, that would genuinely make you happy. Nobody else living their best life is stopping you from doing anything. Keep telling yourself that excelling over others is not where happiness or contentness comes from. It’s just fodder for your ego, which gets you nothing but bar fights.
Your life was always yours and it’s a shame when our upbringing doesn’t instill that in us.
You’re a good candidate for taoist philosophy. While I’m not sure what having absolutely no long term goals really feels like, I’ve had them my whole life, I can tell you that people have their own paths, and its in this diversity of paths that one of our strengths as a species lies. This is why authoritarians suck on the modern battlefield–too much conformity, leaves them inflexible. We allow diversity of thought and encourage initiative and independent action, in our militaries.
I don’t think you should look to other people’s accomplishments if accomplishing those things was never your goal in the first place, though. Was your goal, perhaps, learning? If so, those folks usually wind up with an eventual responsibility of handing their knowledge down to future generations, once it is accumulated sufficiently. I don’t see how that contribution is worth any less than a start-up though.
Well… no and yes.
No - I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my life. I feel like I’m supposed to feel that way, and I know that many (most?) people looking from the outside in would believe that I have, but I just don’t feel that way. I’m content, and as far as i can tell, that’s the only thing that matters.
Ah, but there’s the rub - I’m content. It sounds as if you’re not.
Unfortunately, the only thing I can definitely recommend is to try to assess your own feelings and figure out if you really are discontented or if you’re just going along with the idea that you should be.
But if you really are discontented… I guess I could say to try to look at what it is that you really value (which is likely not coincidentally what you’ve mostly done with your time) and try to actually feel the value in it.
But I have no idea how that’s done, since its apparently just something that I do naturally.
Sorry if that doesn’t heip…
Sounds like you might have depression, maybe try looking into that. Good luck with everything!
Got my third diagnosis 😭
Ok comparison is bad but what in this thread even makes you think I might be depressed? I’m just harsh with my past and I believe I’m rightful to do so, and overwhelmed a bit about my life overall. Like, I’m still high-functioning, I’m motivated enough to carry out challenging stuff daily
I used to be depressed though, on a “high” level. I think I got over it by now
It’s the whole vibe of your response - the whole feeling of helplessness is often associated with depression, being overwhelmed by life is also a very frequent symptom of depression.
Being high-functioning and motivated to carry out with life doesn’t mean you’re not depressed.
I’m not saying you are depressed, that can’t be diagnosed over few simple comments, I’m just saying you sound like you might be depressed and it might be good to go check with a professional if that’s the case.
For every 1 dude who does incredible shit, 99 of us are getting by being content. Being content and unremarkable is the norm, don’t let social media or fucked up parents tell you otherwise.
The only meaning to life is being happy and content. There really isn’t any meaning to it, so the former is the best option.
If you really feel like you need to do something or regret it forever, then you need to get off your ass and start making changes. Otherwise surprise! You’re just like everyone else!
Nobody TRULY cares except YOU and MAYBE your closest loved ones. Even then you realize people pay way more attention about what people think they think about them vs what they actually do. Most people generally don’t give two shits as long as you treat them with GENUINE love, openness, bare minimum respect.
Psst you are 17. You can’t even legally waste your life on alcohol or drugs yet in Canada. Maybe you are/were messing around and causing trouble. You can still get out of it at this stage.
You are still growing up. You are at the starting line. What you do from here is up to what you want.
I know almost everyone has a parent or relativ tell a kid to be the next Galileo, Mozart, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, or invent the next thingymajig. But it’s more about what you desire to do, what you desire to be.
It took me over a year to find work in my field in the industry I wanted to be in (railways). Did I waste a year of my life? From some perspectives, yes, but I think not really because it was a terribly challenging time keeping my mental health, job applications are so bullshit but I got what I wanted eventually.
Did you want to change the world? Here’s how I did. I had a casual chat with a homeless person by the parish, gave them 10 dollars, and the dollar store gloves on my hands to help them on the cold winter’s day. It didn’t do much to combat poverty in society overall, but for this person on this day it seemed like I meant the world to them. Even if that was 2 or 3 years ago, that’s something I can feel just as proud about (if not more) as all my programming, hobby projects, school and work accomplishments.
I wasn’t really causing trouble to people around me, but I definitely caused trouble for myself. Either by lack of awareness or by laziness or mental problems. I just didn’t do anything for myself. I think I don’t miss anything that has happened in the past a lot, I just did regular stuff that was just enough to keep me afloat
No one tells me that. In fact, everyone around me usually tells me “I’m proud of you” “I wish I was you” or stuff like that mostly for some good stuff I did in the last year
I’m just not content with myself. I want more, and seeing people that have more makes me feel bad so I also want that
I think the thing you are missing is that you are comparing yourself to people who are not only exceptional but also and more importantly lucky. No one who is 17 is able to do these things without some luck and often resources and support from people with vastly more resources than so-called normal Joe has. You also have no idea how far their ideas will actually carry. You all are just getting started.
We have this image of everyone starting at the same line but even without taking into account different natural abilities, we do not. Someone has neurodivergence or mental health struggles holding them behind. Others have physical disabilities. People come from differing wealth statuses or family composition. Some have huge amounts of connections to what they want to do. Some people get a better education. Some don’t even have a home or country they can stay in. The only thing you can do is your best. And learn that your value doesn’t come from what you do or have done, but from being first a person and secondly a good person. You are unique.
I am more than twice your age which by some standards makes me old. My life has been full of missed opportunities, mistakes, doing things too late, and a lot of things that other people think are amazing. It is hard to come out of inside my head and really look into what I have done. While I am nothing special or great, when you try to see yourself from the outside the view is very different. What I see as something that held me back and that is still keeping me back, others see it as overcoming a really crappy childhood and functioning despite the hell I went through. What I see as an easy way to make money, childcare, the children I took care of see as something integral to their childhoods in a positive way. And the accidental adventure based on the fact that I couldn’t stop myself from at least trying to help made me a humanitarian aid worker with actual expertise. Now I am planning on pivoting again as I want something less stressful so I am looking into university in my mid-thirties. Where I have imposter syndrome, others see expert to be respected. But none of those happened because I was so good. From the social safety net my country provided to the almost entirely free and good quality education I received, lifted me to be more than what my beginnings would have indicated in the majority of countries around the globe. I have friends who only could have 4 years of school until they ended in my country as adults. They got extraordinarily lucky based on the routes and times they took those routes to even end up here. Had they not, I can promise all their efforts for the foreseeable future would have gone to just surviving. While I am somewhat intelligent on paper at least, that was not what made our lives different. It was the where, when, and how our lives started and what happened along the way we had little to do with.
Do I feel like I wasted my life? Yes and no. While I do not regret anything, I think I should have lived a little bit more for my own benefit. But it would be a little bit premature to think I wasted my life. There is hopefully half at least left.
You. You are just starting. While the destination is somewhat relevant to life in general in that you need in my opinion to be working for a goal even if it changes, it is the journey that really matters. Don’t get so stuck with the goal of becoming someone that you miss the journey. Your value comes from you being you, so be you. There is really only one of those.
I stopped accusing those people to be privileged. Some are, but there are many people from backgrounds similar to me, if not even worse. I met them. They aren’t special. They just act with their minds and make some good decisions. I could perfectly be in a position similar to them if I made the right decisions.
If they were from backgrounds like you they would be you. Your decisions didn’t come from a vacuum. We are a complex mix of our genetics and environment. You really also have no idea how they will deal with things in the future. There are concepts like peaked in high school and previous gifted children and youth that ended up not doing a lot with their lives later.
Also, inventing something or founding a successful startup is not necessarily succeeding in life. There are scores of people who got rich and/or famous and are miserable. While money is important up to a point, external success doesn’t really mean you are living a life worth living. It can help but comes with its own cost.
I think you are focusing on external things instead of internal ones. You are also comparing yourself to people whose heads you have never been in.
Why do you think those decisions were so much better? You focusing on academics and enjoying yourself is pretty much what I think you should have been doing. Being a child and a teenager is exactly the time when you should be figuring out yourself and what you like so you do not wake up at thirty and be in a profession you hate.
The vast majority of people don’t end up inventing something. Are they wasting their lives?
Ambitious! I like it. Well I don’t know all about you, so here’s what I suggest:
Write down what it is you really want (privately), because “I want more” is very broad and not a need that can easily be satisfied.
Each of these all will require some levels of dedication, effort, resolve, money and luck. Figure out what it is you want and to what level, figure out what are the challenges keeping you from it (money, time, knowledge, luck, connections, physical/mental complications, what have you), then figure out how to best deal with these challenges to get to your goal.
If your not enjoying your life, you’re probably wasting it.
TLDR - focus more on what you have control over
Same.
One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you. Still on that page, another thing that kind of helps me deal with it is knowing that a good portion of those “30 under 30” from Forbes might be grifts or scams, like Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman Fraud and Charlie Javice.
Another thing that helps me cope is knowing that this whole pressure for overachieving is cultural poison. It’s the same shit those NLP quantic coaches peddle, a way to blame YOU for not having an amazing life, full of riches and recognition, because YOU didn’t try hard enough. An easy, culturally acceptable way to look down on people with deadend jobs or unemployed.
Me neither and, like you, I don’t have the means to change shit. Apes alone weak. But, like the TLDR, you have to focus more on what you CAN do, even if small and irrelevant. That’s still on you and that’s your part.
The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I understand why huge communities can make everyone feel so lonely. You live somewhere close to, say, 20 families, but barely know 2, despite being physically close to where they sleep. How weird is that? All those closed doors and passing sights create a huge disconnect with people that you should care about, because they’re so close to where you live that their lives can directly affect yours.
I feel like I won’t be able to improve unless I see people better than me
Being a kind, generous person, being a good, supportive friend, such things matter so much more than having a startup or some patent. There are plenty of people who have “success” in the latter sense (often because they are good at bullshitting, boasting, marketing) but are - overall - a drain on society and their surroundings in terms of the first.
I get that all the time.
Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my ‘big break’ where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that’s relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.
My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven’t even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.
Time you’ve spent enjoying yourself is absolutely not time wasted.
I know what you mean, but keep in mind that you’re comparing yourself to everyone that made it. There’s over 6 billion people on earth, and you compare yourself to, what, 5 people? 10? 15?
I honestly didn’t really enjoy my past years. It’s not like I was partying in the time I’d be doing new projects.
That number is definitely not anywhere near 10 or 15. And I’m not comparing myself to “average” because I was never average. Median income globally is 12k$ per year, and half of the people are earn lower than that. I only compare myself with people from similar background as me, and I see numerous examples they just did better choices with their time and opportunities.
Wait, you are 17? And think you need to have accomplished something already? No. No way. You can just develop into an adult version of yourself, that’s plenty enough to do for now.
Some people peak in high school, sure. But that’s sad, I think. Better to have a life that improves as you get older. You are the age of my youngest child, and my life now is better than it’s ever been. Hated being a kid & teenager, lacking control over my own life. Yes it feels like wasted time in a way, and yes I felt it hobbled me in terms of worldly ambition. But now? Don’t care. You can’t fix the past. Move forward.
I’m fearing I won’t develop into adult either. Not in the way that I could be satisfied
I could do so many stuff, I had absolutely nothing to do but I chose to do the most boring, most ordinary stuff, which does not help me in the slightest
But farther on you say you are trying to go to school out of country, that’s adventurous!
And of my own kids and step kids there’s not a lot of correlation between how successful they were early on, and what sort of success they have as adults.
In my own family the athletic but middling student was the only one with phenomenal worldly success, and I’m not at all sure he is happier for it. Second most financially successful is the one who just fucked off to some island for years and literally wasted time, then came back, went to school, started own business.
It’s never too late to start - I disagree entirely with the commenter who said adults are all stuck in a rut. It’s demonstrably untrue. There are many who find success at an older age, and even as a regular person my life is always changing, there are always new things to see, to read, to listen to, it’s fun to get lost and solve problems still.
But even if there was some rule about too late (and there’s not) you’d certainly not be near halfway there. Find things you actually like to do, and be nice to other people, that is how people get interesting. It may be hard to see from where you are, but you are in a great position. So much open road ahead. Build a life you can enjoy and try not to worry so much about meeting some bullshit goals or schedule.
I don’t know. Maybe the adults around me are lazy but literally all can’t move out of comfort zone, start something new.
Since you mentioned, yes I’m trying to study abroad (and it seems very likely). And I should be, because it has been my dream since 14 or something. But I only started preparing last year. Why? I just didn’t know I could study abroad. How could you be so blind that you can’t study abroad is a valid question that I can’t answer. I was misguided by all adults around me - just claimed it’s not possible until masters unless you get into a few super-selective high schools. But I could probably just open internet and ask the same question instead of taking the words of people that can’t even speak English. And I got confidence loss over not getting into these super-selective high schools (and not being able to study abroad), this effect combined with an unfortunate personal event got me into serious mental problems for around two years. This really wasn’t “I didn’t achieve good stuff because I partied too much” case, I didn’t enjoy my time doing unproductive stuff.
I was lucky enough I realized this is not the case later on by some means.
Looking at the opportunities of those students studying at international high schools in my country (which I was able to attend, but didn’t because I was not aware of the whole study abroad thing) who started this process 3 years ago and not 1 year, I’d probably get into Harvard or something of that sort - if I had these opportunities (which I could definitely have).
I just really feel far away from my true potential. I have huge regrets in non-academic areas of my life as well. I just didn’t make the best decisions for myself.
And I’m scared of getting older because I see adults around me at 30s or 40s don’t move an inch from their comfort zone. “I want to do x” “This would be nice” but there are no steps towards whatever they’re thinking of. They just seem stuck. I’m not sure getting married or having kids is what actually causes this effect though.
It seems so real I’ll study in the country I want to settle in, because I might think “nah I can’t spend more effort moving somewhere else, I don’t need more trouble”
There is no telling your future but from this one post I think you may find yourself more successful than you think. The fact you have realized that you are unhappy where you are is a big motivator to change that. Look at what you are planning on doing, studying abroad is a big step. It may not feel like it to you but it is.
I agree with all the other posts that comparing yourself to others is fruitless because you are not them. But if you really want to do something spectacular then go for it. What that is ? Who knows? And you don’t need to know right now. Just go out and learn about as many different things that you can. You never know where good ideas come from. Also meet as many different people as you can one big factor in doing great things is knowing great people. It will also make your experiences much more broad and interesting.
Say ‘yes’ to doing crazy (though non-life threatening) stuff
Take a class in some subject that you find really weird and/or uncomfortable
Ask for help when you need it.
Take a weird job
quit the weird job
Find a passion
find others that have that passion
get bored with that passion
Ask out someone that you think is wayyyy outside your league
I could keep going but its all great experiences and you will start to notice that you are caring less and less about the success of others because you are living your life.
Sorry for the rambling, but honestly this random internet stranger is actually quite envious of you and the life you have in front of you.
I was going to study abroad or settle somewhere else sooner or later, I just don’t see anything relevant to this country anymore. I don’t really feel attached to anywhere to be honest: family, friends, country, anything that comes to mind. And I love travel, and I feel sick when I stay in some place for too long. Studying abroad is the best option for me.
I’m just too late, and despite my tremendous effort (including but not limited to completely messing up my sleep schedule for work) since last year, I see people are much better in their position because they just started things earlier. Did the right things. Had a network of people that guided them well. And as I’m typing this here perhaps someone else started something I’d love to do.
I’ll take your advice though, thanks for suggestions
Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s good to be just yourself being weird and happy in your own way. If it feels like you are really missing something from your life that’s a normal feeling as well. Listen to yourself without the comparison. What are you missing what do you want?
At 17 I was a total waste of space. Didn’t even attempt to get my life together until I was about 23, and even then it was a long process. I barely even graduated high school.
Now I’m 32 and I’m that guy people are jealous of that “has his life together”. I’ve got a family, a good career, an education - all the societal boxes are checked.
I don’t think anybody really has their life “together”, though. We’re all just trying to get through life as best we can. I’m not necessarily any more “happy” now than I was at 17, I’ve just had more time to improve my situation a little at a time. Just live your life, my dude.